More Actual EnglishQuotes
T.I.I.S.
At 21, women proudly say “I’m part of T.G.I.S.” – Thank God I’m Single!
At 31, women strongly say “I’m part of T.I.I.S.” – ‘Tang-Ina I’m Single!
Q: What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels,
a wooden chair and a wooden engine?
A: It wooden start!!!
BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng ” cooling place ” ?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo
” Hilow, hus cooling place?
Ano rin daw ang difference ni Prince Charles At Kulangot?
Si Prince Charles ay “heir to the throne” while ang Kulangot ay “Thrown to the Air!”
Master Bathing:
The phone rings and the maid pick up the phone as her master is at the shower.
When caller the ask what is he doing?
The maid replied: “Masterbathing!”
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever can
use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me
for tonight.”
So the White guy says “I love liver and cheese.” She says “That’s not
good enough”
The Black man says “I hate liver and cheese” She says “That’s
not creative”
Finally, the Filipino says “Liver alone, cheese mine!”
Quickies
T.I.I.S.
At 21, women proudly say “I’m part of T.G.I.S.” – Thank God I’m Single!
At 31, women strongly say “I’m part of T.I.I.S.” – ‘Tang-Ina I’m Single!
Q: What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels,
a wooden chair and a wooden engine?
A: It wooden start!!!
BISAYA 1 : Unsay ibig sabihon ng ” cooling place ” ?
BISAYA 2 : Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo
” Hilow, hus cooling place?
Ano rin daw ang difference ni Prince Charles At Kulangot?
Si Prince Charles ay “heir to the throne” while ang Kulangot ay “Thrown to the Air!”
Master Bathing:
The phone rings and the maid pick up the phone as her master is at the shower.
When caller the ask what is he doing?
The maid replied: “Masterbathing!”
A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, “Whoever can
use the words ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a creative sentence can have me
for tonight.”
So the White guy says “I love liver and cheese.” She says “That’s not
good enough”
The Black man says “I hate liver and cheese” She says “That’s
not creative”
Finally, the Filipino says “Liver alone, cheese mine!”
Piny Spelling Bee
(Do You Don’t Understand This?)
Aka “Use The Word ___ In A Sentence”. READ the replies using a pinoy accent!
ENGLISH
1. Use BE COOL and I’LL BUY in a sentence. …
The tourist went to Mayon volcano in I’LL BUY, BE COOL.
2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence. …(phone rings)…..
Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
3. Use AFFECT in a sentence….
Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.
4. Use ADIEU in a sentence….
If you are ADIEU, the Arabs may kill you.
5. Use DECANTER in a sentence…
You can order that medicine over DECANTER.
6. Use DELETION in a sentence….
The balat of DELETION is crispy.
7. Use DESPISE in a sentence…
Who baked all DESPISE?
8. Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence…
I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic.
(ok here’s the translation…..”the parent” of this boy …..to get “the parental” consent….)
9. Use “PAUL” in a sentence…6 times…
Pol, be carePol, you might Pol in da swimmingPol datsh Pol ob PePol.
10. Use the word “CELSIUS” in a sentence…..
In Marikina, they Celcius.
11. Use the words IRAQ, IRAN and EGYPT in a sentence…..
“Iraq is bigger dan a stone”
“Iran is paster dan a walk”
“Egypt is paster dan a tricycle”
12. Use the words DETAIL, DEDUCT, DEFEAT, and DEFENCE in a sentence….
Deduct jump over Defence, first Defeat, then Detail.
13. Use DEFLATE in a sentence.
Can you please wash DEFLATE for me?
TAGALOG
AND NOW…
FOR THOSE WHO READ AND UNDERSTAND TAGALOG:
1. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence. …Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain,
pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.&nb! sp;
2. Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don’t know what this is, it’s a
city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA) …Nako naman, ang
ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun, pero, ma-ARTESIA.
3. Use CADET in a sentence. …CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi.
Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya.
4. Use CARDIAC in a sentence. …Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong
isang gabi.
5. Use CENTURION in a sentence. …Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay
niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.
6. Use DEDICATE in a sentence. …Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong
DEDICATE iyan.
7. Use DELICACY in a sentence. …Bagal mo… DELICACY mahuhuli na
tayo.
8. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence. …Sister, DEPRECIATE(?) already,
kaya pwede na tayong kumain.
9. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence! . …Brownout…siguradong DIFFUSION
pumutok.
10. Use LAITY in a sentence. …Taga “laity” si Imelda Marcos.
11. Use MENTION in a sentence. …Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang
MENTION.
12. Use ebonic word “MADAPAKA” in a sentece. …Iho mag-ingat, ka
baka MADAPAKA!’
13. Use SECOND THOUGHT in a sentence. …Hindi pa bumibili ng bagong
kotse ang mag-asawang si Pedro at Maria dahil magse-SECOND THOUGHT pa
daw sila.
14. Use BORROW in a sentence. …Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.
15. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence. …Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka,
CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.
16. Use DEFIED in a sentence. –What is 2+3? Eh DEFIED, dali naman niyon.
Maraming Salamat Po to Greg Murray for sending this in!
The Three Bears revisited
3 bears were driving on the road.
They accidently drove off a cliff and into the water.
Which bear did not get wet?
* the dribear.
Which bear saw the accident?
* the neighbear.
Which bear came out of the car safely?
* the surbibear.
Which bear fixed the car?
* MacGuyBear
The Phone Call
This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call….
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you’re calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel.
I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe, E as in important, and L as in elephant.
Combo Meals
SINGIT — SINnangaG at ITlog
PWET — Pinakbet With Ensaladang Talong
TINGIL — TINortang Galunggong In Lard
FININGER — FIsh Nuggets IN GingER sauce
TITI — TInapay at TInapa
PUKE — PUto with Keso
PAKANTUT — PAnsit KANton with TUTsie roll
SALSAL — SALmon with SALabat
TSUPA — TSUkolate at PAndesal
PAKAPLOG — PAndesal KAPe at itLOG
Actual English Quotes in da Pilipins
A note from an inter-office memo: “Dear sir: w/ reference to my above, please refer to my below.”
Slogan of Sr. Pedro’s Lechon Manok: “Once tasted, always wanted.”
In a resort in Rizal: “Not allowed to swim: t-shirt & maong. Allowed to swim: sando & shorts.”
In Vietnam a sign in a resto says: “no pay, no delicious”.
“I’m chicken tired of you!” (dahil para akong manok?)
(from a listener)We were eating squid for dinner and I blurted out, “Guys, who wants my testicles?” (I meant tentacles)
Our boss: “Is Randy is there?”
“When it rains, it’s four!”
In a bus terminal near NAIA: “No outsider allowed inside!”
“So far, so good…so far.”
In our church, pastor Santos was very sick, but all of a sudden, he got better. So the whole church made a banner: “GOD is good. Pastor Santos is better!”
Street sign: “Dumb truck, no entry.”
My brod sa org told us about his English teacher in HS who said angrily: “Simple follow you cannot instruction, how can you graduation?”
Friend: “Wat dat?” Me: “Pare, lagyan mo ng ‘S’.” Friend: “Wat dats?”
We had a dept outing this weekend. The admin sent an email askng for our shoe sizes. It said: “Attendees will be receiving free fleep flaps.”
A boss asked one of his employees: “May I see you pretty soon?” The employee answerd: “Why, don’t you think I’m pretty now?”
In a restaurant I overheard a customer ask: “Do you have a specialty?” The waiter answered: “Sorry sir, we only have iced tea.”
Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko ang only Living Legend na buhay pa!”
During a beach outing, an officemate said, “Tara, let’s go sand-bathing!”
“Well, well, well, look do we have here!”
We once received a message from our scheduler: “I need the death certificates of the following employees: Dennis Cruz, Maryann Fernando, John Aquino.”
Overheard during a dance party. Man: “May I dance?” Woman: “Centerly!”
Taken from a guard’s log book: “Security supervisor visited my post and passed away after five minutes.”
“Ang sakit ng MIND GRAIN ko!”
When my assistant tells a client that she’ll give them feedback, she goes: “Ma’am I’ll feed you back nalang po.”
“Goats’ for sale” and “Goat,s for sale”.
“Keep that bear in mind.”
Actual stuff written in patients’ medical charts in a certain public hostpital: 1. “Discharge status: alive but without permission.” 2. “She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.” 3. “The patient refused autopsy.” 4. “She is numb from her toes down.”
“I don’t give a dumb!
A letter envelope w/o return address marked: “Guest who?”
When I was applying in a call center I heard the front desk ask one of the applicants: “Are you a walk-in applicant?” He answered: “No, I commute!”
“It’s my alma mother.”
“Once in a bloom.”
At a wedding: “Let’s give them a warm of applause!”
“I second emotion!”
“Ang sakit ng STEEP NECK ko!”
Sign in a tiangge selling bedroom items: “For sale: BED SHIT.”
A sign in a Korean store: “No chewing cum”.
In cubao: “This lot not 4 sale. Call 0917…”
“Don’t touch me not!”
“I couldn’t care a damn!”
” What’s your next class before this?”
“Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?” (<— ulitin natin hanggang mamatay tayo!)
“I’m sorry, my boss just passed away.”
(translation: kakadaan lang ng boss nya.)
“Hello, my boss is out of town. Would you like to wait?”
“Hello?…
For a while, please hang yourself…”
“It’s spilled milk under the bridge.”
” Don’t change anything! Keep it at ease.”
“Hello McDo? Mag-i-inquire lang ako kung magkano ang kidney meal?”
(<— yung pangbatang pagkain)
“You!!! You’re not a boy anymore! You’re a man anymore!”
“Out of fit ako these days eh…” (translation: di sya nakakapag-exercise)
” Come, lets join us!”
“Bring down the house down!”
Just For In Case You Needed A Sayings
Subject: Nasabi niyo na ba ito?
Mga lolo’t lola,
Mag-ingat sa ating pag spokening.
Winner Bona Lines
“The more the manyer.”
“It’s a no-win-win situation.”
“Burn the bridge when you get there.”
“Anulled and void.”
“Mute and academic.”
“C’mon let’s join us!”
“If worse comes to shove.”
“Are you joking my leg?”
“It’s not my problem anymore, it’s your problem anymore.”
“What are friends are for?”
“You can never can tell.”
“Well well well. Look do we have here!”
“Let’s give them a big hand of applause.”
“Been there, been that.”
“Forget it about it.”
“Give him the benefit of the daw.”
“It’s a blessing in the sky.”
“Right there and right then.”
“Where’d you came from?”
“Take things first at a time.”
“You’re barking at the wrong dog.”
“You want to have your cake and bake it too.”
“First and for all.”
“Now and there.”
“I’m only human nature.”
“The sky’s the langit.”
“That’s what I’m talking about it.”
“One of these days is not like the other.”
“So far, so good, so far.”
“Time is of the elements.”
“In the wink of an eye.”
“The feeling is actual.”
“For all intense and purposes.”
“I ran into some errands.”
“Hi. I’m <your name>, what’s yours?”
“What is the world is coming to?”
“What is the next that is?”
“Get the most of both worlds.”
“Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila.”
“Whatever you say so.”
“Base-to-base casis.”
“My answers have been prayered.”
“Please me alone!”
‘It’s as brand as new.”
“So… what’s a beautiful girl like you?”
“I can’t take it anymore of this!”
“Are you sure ka na ba?”
“Can’t you just cut me some slacks?”
Actual Store Names in Metro Manila
Ali Baka ( Shawarma )
Anita Bakery
Balut Eggspress
Beefer 150 (Meat Shop)
Common Cents Store (Sari-sari Store)
Crispy per minute (Crispy Pata Eatery)
Curl Up And Dye (Beauty Salon)
DETH’S Eatery (eat and you die!)
Doris Day and Night (24 hour eatery)
Elizabeth Tailoring
Farmacia With Love (A Drugstore)
Felix the Cut (Barber Shop)
Funeraria Mabuhay
Goldirocks (Gravel & Sand Shop)
INTERNATIONAL FUNERAL HOMES
(kailangan kaya ng visa dito?)
Labo Optical
L.B.M. Restaurant
Le Cheng Tea House (Was the owner in a bad mood when it was named?)
LUNAS SIKMURA (a last-resort restaurant)
Maid To Order (Maids Placement Agency)
Mane Attraction (Beauty Parlor)
MASTERVISION (video rental shop)
Meating Place (Meat Shop)
Memory Drug (A Mercury Drug Clone)
Nacho Fast (Nachos To Go)
O’Beer Time (Bar cum Nightclub)
Passers Buy (Convenience Store)
Perm Foundation (A Christian Beauty Salon)
Petal Attraction (Flower Shop)
Saudia Hairlines (Beauty Salon)
Scissors Palace (Barber shop)
Second Time Around (Second Hand Watch Store)
STD (if it’s car parts, hardware, or disease, we’re not sure)
TapSi TurBi (Tapa, Sinangag, Turon at Bibingka)
The Way We Wear (Boutique)
Wash & Carry (Laundromat)
Dear Hunter (Mail Order Brides)
MacDonuts (Donut Shop)
Mat & Jeep (Jeep Accessories Shop)
Mercy Buko (Fresh Coconut Roadside Shop)
Pizza Hot (Pizza Place)
Your Best Vet (Veterinary Clinic)
| A wholesaler of balut in Sto. Tomas, Batangas | Starduck |
| A small Internet café | Cafe Pindot |
| A laundry in Manila | Summa Cum Laundry |
| A restaurant in Pasig | Johnny’s Fried Chicken, The “Fried” of Marikina |
| A boxing gym in Taguig | Blow Jab |
| A tombstone maker in Antipolo | Lito Lapida |
| A copy center in Sikatuna Village , Quezon City | Pakopya ni Edgar |
| A kambingan | Sa Goat Kita |
| A store selling feeds for chicken along Sucat Road | Robocock |
| A shoe repair in Marikina | Dr. Shoe-Bago |
| A shoe repair shop along Commonwealth Avenue , Quezon City | SHOEPERMAN (We will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you) |
| A taxicab | Income Taxi |
| A second-hand watch store | 2nd Time Around |
| A squid stall in a wet market | Pusit to the Limit |
| A lawyer’s extension office | Nota Republic |
| A ceiling installer | Kisame Street |
| A car-repair shop | Bangga ka ‘day! |
| An aquatic pet store in Malolos | Fish Be With You |
| A fishball cart along P. Campa St. , near UST | Eat My Balls |
| A barber shop in Cagayan de Oro | Pinoy Big Barber |
| A party-needs business | Balloon-Balloonan |
| A store selling fresh chicken, apparently owned by a woman named Dina | Dina Fresh Chicken |
| A Hair Salon in Makati | Hair We Go Again |
| La Paz, Iloilo cart selling roast chicken | CNN – Chicken Namit-Namit |
Expand Your Vocabulary
1. aspect – pantusok ng yelo
2. backlog – bacon saka egg
3. beehive – magpakatino ka
4. cdrom – tingnan mo ang kwarto
5. city – bago mag-utso
6. cattle – doon nakatila ang hali at leyna
7. debug – ang ipis
8. dedicated – pinatay ang pusa
9. deduct – ang pato
10. defeat – ang paa (ng pato?)
11. defense – ang bakod
12. defer – ang balahibo
13. deflate – ang plato
14. defrag – ang palaka
15. delusion – e di maluwag
16. depends – (see defense)
17. deposit – ang gripo
18. depress – nagkasal sa persuading(see persuading)
19. detail – ang buntot (ng pato?)
20. detest – ang eksamin
21. devalue – ‘yon ang susunod saletrang ‘V’
22. devastation – ‘dun sasakay ng bus
23. devote – ang boto
24. dilemma – brownout, a!
25. effort – ‘dun nagla-land ang efflane
26. forums – apat na kwarto
27. it depends – kainin mo ang bakod
28. july – nagsinungaling ka ba?
29. statue – ikaw ba ‘yan?
30. protestant – tindahan ng prutas.
31. predicate – pakawalan mo ang pusa
32. profit – patunayan mo
33. persuading – unang kasal
34. tenacious – sinusuot sa paa
35. thesis – ito ay…
36. torpedo – takot manligaw
37. zoology – ang sayans ng pagtatahi
38. Balance Sheet – what comes out after a balanced diet.
Elvis Precisely
By da hiway, what are you trying to im-ply-wood?
Dat da bread esta-usted!
Hanoba Cuba? House-and-lot again?
Ah! Elvis Precisely!
